BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – The Navy has announced that it is revoking Bill Cosby’s title of honorary chief petty officer because of multiplying allegations of sexual abuse going back decades that were recently reignited. Word came in a joint statement by Navy Secretary Ray Mabus and Master Chief Petty Officer Michael Stevens. “The Navy is talking this action because allegations against Mr. Cosby are very serious and are in conflict with the Navy’s core values of honor, courage and commitment,” the statement said. Leaked documents from the Pentagon suggests that the U.S. Navy was fully aware of Cosby’s treatment toward women when he served from 1956-60 on various ships, because during that time period, he was accused of “very unprofessional behavior” by 15 mermaids”.