BREAKING NEWS – Brighton, New York – In a move that has shocked the nation, Pinnacle Foods has fired the Jolly Green Giant, who has worked for them since 1961. Their reason was for his termination is that they found out that the well known spokesman is not a vegetarian as he alleged for over 50 years. The Jolly Green Giant’s secret was exposed after a waitress posted a picture she took of him devouring almost $500 in food at a rib joint in Chicago. She said she figured out who he was, by the way he laughed in a deep voice (ho-ho-ho), his green skin, and his being nearly nine stories tall.