BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – What began as a routine swearing-in ceremony for new Defense Secretary Ashton Carter on Tuesday morphed into a social media celebration when Vice President Joe Biden awkwardly placed his hands upon Carter’s wife, Stephanie. They lingered there for roughly 20 seconds until Biden leaned in and whispered in her ear. When the media had a person who could read lips quote what Biden said, the VP said it was not a “come on”, he was just venting when he said to her, “I’m in a loveless marriage because my wife thinks I’m an idiot”. He also maintained that for the most part, he is not a sex offender.