BREAKING NEWS – Abuja, Nigeria – In a candid interview, Nigerian bishop Emmanuel Badejo has responded bluntly to Hillary Clinton’s recent assertion that religious beliefs “have to be changed” in order to give women access to reproductive health care. “If these values are not precious to Hillary Clinton, I think she has no right at all to call for a change in religious values and religious beliefs,” he said. “I believe there are three groups of people in this world: those who believe in God, those who do not believe in God, and those who think they are gods. Hillary Clinton I think is one of those who thinks she is a god,” said Badejo, who is Director of Communications for the African Bishops. Hillary responded by standing before a large crowd raising her arms, and demanded to be worshiped. She explained to them that she has the authority to forgive sins because she forgives Bill 2 or 3 times per week for committing adultery. She then concluded by saying that she alone has the divine power to make emails vanish into thin air.