BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – U.S. intelligence officials have finally released a trove of documents recovered during the 2011 raid on Osama bin Laden’s compound, with the most interesting being an application form for prospective suicide bombers. Some of the requested info includes, how long they’ve been a Muslim, their birthplace, and how powerful the explosives should be on their “oneway mission”, so they don’t exceed the maximum amount of pieces they want to be blown into.