BREAKING NEWS – Hollywood, California – Former Senate candidate Christine O’Donnell declines the offer to perform on “Dancing with Stars” so she could finish writing a book. The other five contestants and their instructors heaved a sigh of relief, equally concerned on what O’Donnel would do to them if they beat her. In a secret memo by ABC executives, they stated that if she would have accepted their offer, they were prepared to offer courses in witchcraft to all of the nervous contestants, on how to reverse any spells that may have been casted upon them.