BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – The U.S. Postal Service will be rolling out their new delivery vehicles beginning some time in the fall. According to the new Postmaster General Megan Brennan, the latest version will have 650 horsepower, and will be able to go from 0 to 60 in under 3 seconds. She further explained at a press conference that “With our new souped up and pimped out vehicles, we are very confident that we can misdeliver the mail 50% faster.”