BREAKING NEWS – Chicago, Illinois – Beer, wine, and frozen mixed drinks will now be on tap at Taco Bell in Chicago. The chain says it will open a location that serves alcohol in the Windy City wine next week, marking the first time it will serve alcohol in the United States. Meredith Sandland, Taco Bell’s chief development officer, explained the motive for their new change stating, “The way our beans usually publicly affects people gastronomically, we have decided that no one should go through those embarrassing moments while sober.”