BREAKING NEWS – New York City, New York – Anheuser-Busch, the world’s biggest brewing company and the owner of Budweiser, announced it wants to buy Miller, the second-largest brewer — and the maker of long-time rival brand Miller Genuine Draft. The deal would create a multinational behemoth valued at around $275 billion with annual sales of $73.3 billion. Anheuser-Busch also plans to set aside $100 million to better train lawyers to defend people arrested for a DUI, and to lobby for a law that would make it legal for drunken bums to urinate in public.