BREAKING NEWS – St. Louis, Missouri – Federal officials were monitoring 19 vulnerable levees on the rising Mississippi River and its tributaries, warning that hundreds of homes in Illinois and Missouri could be threatened by a rare winter flood that already forced the partial closure of interstate highways and widespread evacuations. Record flooding was projected in some Mississippi River towns after several days of torrential rain. Kanye West along with hundreds of members of the NAACP, are now demanding that President Obama send the National Guard to monitor the levees. They say they’re making this request to prevent former President Bush from blowing up the levees to run black people out of town, the same way he personally dynamited the levees in New Orleans during Hurricane Katrina.