BREAKING NEWS – St. Paul, Minnesota – The Cupid is about to be given the heave-ho at Bruce Vento Elementary School in regards to Valentine’s Day. “My personal feeling is we need to be honest and candid to our students regarding relationships and love”, Principal Scott Masini wrote in a letter to parents. During a tv interview with a local station, he further explained that, “We should prepare them for the cold facts that most of them will get dumped, manipulated, and conned. And for the one’s that are stupid enough to get married, they will likely get cheated on, divorced, and probably involved in domestic violence. So instead of giving them candy, we should be teaching them how to deal with the countless DUIs they’ll get as adults, after they stagger out of bars from whining to strangers about their broken hearts. I have been through this, but fortunately, I’m a functional alcoholic.”
