BREAKING NEWS – Hildale, Utah – The Fundamentalist Latter-day Saints believed an apocalyptic miracle was going to free their imprisoned leader Lyle Jeffs. The new federal courthouse in downtown Salt Lake City is a massive, futuristic cube of metal and glass that looks imposing, austere and, above all, impregnable. Armed guards patrol the exterior 24 hours a day. But a certain group of polygamous religious extremists in a lonely corner of southern Utah believed yesterday (April 6th) the walls will split open and fall when one of their leaders, Lyle Jeffs, appears before the judge in a major fraud case, according to former followers of his sect. Since the time has come and gone and nothing happened, the Fundamentalist Latter-day Saints, gave an explanation in a written statement which read in part, “We acknowledge that what we predicted did not come to pass. The walls were not miraculously split open because our heavenly Father was informed that would have violated several city building codes. And we praise God for showing compassion and restraint due to the recommendations of his legal counsel.”
