BREAKING NEWS – Shreveport, Louisiana – Toby Mathew the director of the beleaguered Shreveport VA hospital in Louisiana has been fired following a three-year tenure filled with scandal including accusations of covering up a secret wait-list, creating severe staffing shortages and refusing to buy essentials like vital signs machines, linens or mattresses. Mathew responded to his termination in writing stating in part, “Veterans in this state focus too much on conventional medicine and often ignore the benefits of voodoo and other healing methods done through the occult. But I am confident that I will land on my feet in the future, according to a fortune teller that I meet with weekly, in one of the local swamps.”