BREAKING NEWS – Vatican City, Rome – Pope Francis I received a victim’s letter in 2015 that graphically detailed sexual abuse at the hands of a priest and a cover-up by Chilean church authorities, contradicting the pope’s recent insistence that no victims had come forward, the letter’s author and members of Francis’ own sex- abuse commission have told The Associated Press. The Pope responded to the news report. “Ok, even if I lied, so what,” he began. “I am the CEO of a worldwide business, and I am compelled to protect my own. I will acknowledge that Rev. Fernando Karadima did some bad things to kids, and Bishop Juan Barros tried to cover it up. But the Catholic church can not continue to make these multi-million dollar payouts. I don’t see why the parents of these traumatized children can’t understand that.”