BREAKING NEWS – Sacramento, California – A California assemblyman vehemently argued against a bill that would adopt International Workers’ Day as a paid holiday. The bill, introduced by Assemblyman Miguel Santiago (D), would designate the third Monday in February “as a single school holiday to be known as ‘Presidents’ Day.'” “Are we in competition to become the laughingstock of the United States?” Assemblyman Matthew Harper (R) asked. “This is ridiculous. This is insane.” The bill would subsequently get rid of either George Washington or Abraham Lincoln’s birthday as a holiday and designate May 1 as “International Workers’ Day.” International Socialist Workers’ Day, or “May Day” had been observed in countries under Communist rule and was an official holiday of the Soviet Union. Santiago then announced that if the bill doesn’t pass, he’ll introduce a new one for the state of California, honoring Karl Marx’s birthday. “It will be a paid holiday, in which people that have very little, can legally steal items from others that have a lot, without being held criminally accountable.”