BREAKING NEWS – Savannah, Georgia – Childhood sweethearts Shelly Marquez and Kyle Burnett were set to tie the knot at the end of the summer until a major snafu landed their names on a statewide sex offender registry. According to the now unhappy couple, the glitch occurred as they attempted to set up a wedding and gift registry on Bed Bath & Beyond’s website, a mistake that has since turned them into level 2 sex criminals. “I had just finished picking out the perfect lace doilies for our kitchen when my laptop started acting all weird,” Marquez said. “I hit enter, and then immediately got this confirmation email. I thought it was gonna say the registry was set, but it was just all this info on where Kyle and I were supposed to meet our parole officers. Like, what?” The exact opposite happened to a local “sexual predator”, who admitted that he was doing some of his online stalking/searching for potential victims, and was outraged when he found out that Bed Bath & Beyond’s website posted that he was registered there and engaged to be married.
