BREAKING NEWS – Santiago, Chile – All 34 of Chile’s Catholic bishops have submitted their written resignations to the Vatican in the latest fallout from a major child sex abuse scandal rocking the South American nation. The clerics announced their decision to resign en masse at a Vatican news conference. “Thank you to the victims, for their perseverance and their bravery, despite the enormous personal spiritual, social, and family difficulties they’ve had to face so many times, amidst the incomprehension and the attacks from the ecclesial community itself,” the bishops wrote in their resignation letter. And they concluded the letter by stating, “We have done this for centuries, and we blame social media and aggressive lawyers representing our countless victims, for exposing us publicly, humiliating us, and destroying our careers. All 34 of us are now in the process of getting attorneys, and suing our victims, accusing them of emotionally harming us with their ruthless desire for justice and restitution.”