BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C – Santa Claus has has completed his Christmas Eve journey delivering presents around the world and shimmying down chimneys, according to the US military command charged with protecting North American airspace. NORAD’s radars detected Saint Nick’s sleigh departing the North Pole just after 4 a.m. ET on Tuesday morning, shortly after he reviewed his flight plan with his nine reindeer. After returning to the North Pole, Santa Claus stated that the entire trip went pretty smooth. He then added, “The only incident that caused me concerned was when I was delivering gifts in Chicago. The elves made bets that while I was there, I would either get shot at or robbed, and neither of those things happened. However during my brief stay in Chitown, some of the reindeer apparently embraced the city’s culture, because while we were flying away, I saw Rudolph, Dasher, and Blitzen flashing gangs signs.”