BREAKING NEWS – Carson City, Nevada – Gov. Steve Sisolak has ordered the statewide shutdown of all casinos and other nonessential businesses in Nevada starting noon Wednesday. The state’s latest coronavirus containment effort will apply to all bars, gyms, beauty salons, barber shops, malls and restaurants that do not provide takeout and delivery services. Bill Clinton refers to the mandate as “overreaching”. In a brief press conference he stated “I solemnly promise to continue my monthly payments to several northern Nevada brothels, to help alleviate the financial burden imposed on all of their extremely luscious employees.”
