BREAKING NEWS – St. Paul, Minnesota – Because Minnesotans have the reputation of always being kind to each other no matter what the circumstances are, Tim Pawlenty drops out of the race after being accused of not being ”Minnesota nice” to Michele Bachmann during the GOP debate. Pawlenty is said to be so devastated by the accusation, that he was later seen at a local bar trying to drown in his sorrows by downing an entire six pack of root beer. He later apologized for his attempt to deaden the pain, and plans on joining Alcoholics Anonymous or a comparable 12 step program.