BREAKING NEWS – Plano, Texas – In a press release, Pizza Hut revealed that it is expanding its contactless curbside pickup option nationwide, allowing customers “a safe, contactless option” for picking up online orders.

The brand also announced that it will also be applying “tamper-proof safety seals” to its pizza boxes. This will ensure that customers are “the first to touch their food” after it’s taken out of the oven (which burns at over 400 degrees). Pizza Hut also stated “tamper-proof safety seals prevents some of our butterball delivery drivers from eating half of the pizza en route to dropping them off, and then trying to convince the customer that the missing portion was taken by thieves at gun point… as the portly driver repeatedly belches.”