BREAKING NEWS – Seattle, Washington – Seattle is paying ex-pimp Andre Taylor $150,000 a year to act as the city’s “street czar” and offer “alternatives to policing” after protests morphed into the no-police-allowed Capitol Hill Occupied Protest.

“I’m uniquely qualified to deal with the issues on the streets,” he said during a speech. “Because whether it’s politicians screwing us out of our taxes, or the employees from my previous business, they’re all a bunch of hoes.”