BREAKING NEWS – Lhasa, Tibet – Onlookers were in genuine shock after the Dalai Lama grabbed the newly elected Prime Minister Lobsang Sangay by the back of the neck, threw him to the ground, and began to choke him until he begged for mercy. The Dalai Lama stated later in the day, that he had no intention of injuring the Prime Minister, and he was just trying to make an audition tape to fulfill his dream of being a cage fighter with the UFC.