BREAKING NEWS – Bellingham, Washington – Western Washington University has designated the fourth floor of Alma Clark Glass Hall as housing reserved for its “Black Affinity Housing program,” becoming the latest school to adopt such a program.

“The program will explore and celebrate the diversity of Black and African American people and culture, with historical and contemporary context,” the program website reads, also saying that all “Western students residing in the program help foster a warm and vibrant community supporting social, personal and academic success.”

WWU President Sabah Randhawa spoke about the new program. “Culturally, this makes sense,” he began. “However, if any white students suggested that they desired the exact same accommodations for their race, they will be immediately expelled from this university, but only after we inform and encourage some black students to beat their brains out for making such an insensitive racist request.”