BREAKING NEWS – Boston, Massachusetts – Leaders at one of the largest investment firms in the world, State Street Global Advisors, will need to ask permission to hire White men as it rolls out a diversity hiring initiative.

“This is now front and central for State Street — it’s on every senior executive’s scorecard,” said Jess McNicholas, the bank’s head of inclusion, diversity and corporate citizenship. “According to the documents sent to us from a prominent democrat, white men are basically crooks, and the only people that can be trusted are Hispanics, blacks, Asians, and most transgenders.”