BREAKING NEWS – New York City, New York – NYC Police Commissioner Raymond W. Kelly, has stated that he will soon be authorizing the police that are dealing with the Wall Street Protestors, to start wearing gas masks. Not because they plan on using tear gas, but because many of the protestors have gone several weeks without bathing, and the putrid smell has caused some of the officers to collapse after one whiff as they approached the large crowds. He added, that if the protestors have been able to tolerate their own mass stench, tear gas probably wouldn’t have any affect on them whatsoever.