BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – The three largest mattress manufacturers Serta, Simmons, and Sealy, are being sued in a class action lawsuit in federal court. The grim reaper is seeking damages from them alleging that all three companies have refused to sell him a deathbed. Many zombies are expected to join the civil suit for similar reasons, and vampires are now inquiring on why none of the corporations make mattresses that fit into coffins.
