BREAKING NEWS – Seattle, Washington, D.C. – The owner of Amazon Jeff Bezos, is now encouraging his drivers to sue customers under certain conditions.

“What thousands of our shopaholic customers have been doing, is ordering countless heavy products, causing hundreds of our drivers to get hernias,” Bezos said at a press conference. “One of our customers ordered an anvil and set of tools every week. His particular driver has had three hernias over the past year, and one time his knees exploded. That customer’s account has been suspended, and has been given an invoice of the driver’s medical bills.”