BREAKING NEWS – San Francisco, California – The San Francisco Board of Supervisors is meeting to review a proposal to dole out $5 million each to qualifying Black residents in reparations as a way to make amends for slavery.

At the board meeting, the city’s African American Reparations Advisory Committee will present the controversial idea from its draft reparations plan released in December.

“This is fair, right and justified, and it’s about time it happened,” Eric McDonnell, chair of the reparations committee, recently told the Washington Post.

“What about the future black people born in San Francisco? What do they get?” the Washington Post asked.

“They won’t get anything,” McDonnell answered. “And why should they? Slavery ended 158 years ago, so those blacks should not be complaining about something that happened such a long time ago. Uh… on the other hand, don’t print that… uh, and I’ll get back to you soon… with a new answer.”