BREAKING NEWS – Moscow, Russia – Vladimir Putin was recently forced to send 70-year-old tanks previously kept on display inside Russian museums into Ukraine to make up for his military’s ongoing weapons shortage.
In a surprising development to come after Russia is estimated to have lost more than 3,700 tanks in the past 14 months of fighting against Ukraine, the 70-year-old Russian leader reportedly ordered several Soviet-era T-55 tanks to be recommissioned and sent to the frontlines of battle.
Some of the tanks are so old, that they are made out of wood and powered by kerosene. On the sides of them are hinged flaps, that are opened when the Russia soldiers can use slingshots to shoot marbles at nearby enemies. And once the soldiers run out of marbles, the hinged flap is opened to hurl vicious insults at the opposing the force that’s about to riddle it with bullets, and then opening up the tanks using the claw of a hammer.