BREAKING NEWS – Death Valley, California – Forecast of 129-degree heat in Death Valley becomes a tourist attraction. A stagnant upper-level ridge over the Southwest and Mexico is helping to produce historic heat. Death Valley, California, is expected to reach 129 degrees. This reading would be just 5 degrees below the record of 134 degrees set in 1913.

After the forecast was posted internationally, cannibals from all of the world have been showing up to witness the excessive heat wave, in the hopes of seeing people die from being roasted alive, and all they have to do is provide the seasoning after they haul away the bodies.