BREAKING NEWS – Rome, Italy – Pope Francis I issued a new call for climate change action on, when he slammed the United States in particular as “irresponsible” on emissions compared to China.

“If we consider that emissions per individual in the United States are about two times greater than those of individuals living in China,” explained the Pope. “And my position has nothing to do with the recent $500 million China donated to the Vatican, to help us pay off the people that won their lawsuits against us because their child was molested by a priest. Nor does my position against America has anything to do with the hundreds of former priests in the United States behind bars due to a pedophile conviction, and need some money placed on their books.”