While standing in front of Mt. Rushmore in South Dakota with a group of tourists, I remember one man saying how patriotic it made him feel. A woman called the four carved presidents “awesome” and “majestically beautiful”. I kept thinking to myself, I wish I had a few cans of pink spray paint, so I could put a big blotch on Thomas Jefferson’s neck to make it look like someone gave him a gigantic hickey. (This is further proof that I have some serious problems with my thought process).