I am embarrassed to say that yesterday I got arrested. When I was coming out of a department store, some guy grabbed a package of underwear I just bought and started to run away with it. I chased him, caught him, and I made him sign a confession to the crime he had just committed. When the police showed up, they put me in handcuffs and said it was illegal for me to take the law into my own Hanes. What the…