BREAKING NEWS – New York City, New York – Martha Stewart is now being blamed for jinxing a no-hitter by Yankees starter Michael Pineda, after he pitched six perfect innings. Unwritten rules vary about when it is reasonable to begin using terms like “no-hitter” and “perfect game” to describe a pitcher’s outing in progress, but almost all of them agree that it’s OK to discuss such feats by the seventh. Pineda gave up a hit within three minutes of Stewart’s tweet. Superstitious Yankee fans that are extremely angry with her, are saying she should’ve known that “intensely rooting” for something, causes the exact opposite to happen, are now encouraging these exact same fans to “intensely root” for Stewart’s next flight to be safe, and has a smooth landing.
