BREAKING NEWS – Chicago, Illinois – Sears, who has been around since 1886, has announced that they might not have enough money to stock their shelves. The company warns that it faces “substantial doubt” about its ability to stay in business unless it can borrow more and tap cash from more of its assets. A spokesman for the company stated, “Business has been in a steady decline since the end of World War II. The people who shop here the most frequently are coming here less and less because many of them have moved into nursing homes, or because they have Alzheimer’s and keep forgetting our store locations”.