BREAKING NEWS – Jeffersonville, Indiana – The Greater Clark County School Board in Jeffersonville, Indiana, is considering a plan to eliminate the valedictorian system because it creates “unhealthy competition,” according to Supt. Andrew Melin. “By handing out awards, the students that are intensely focusing on getting good grades and relentlessly studying, will cause their dumber classmates to feel like idiots”, Melin explained. “And we feel it’s improper and insensitive to make the numerous below average morons feel ‘less than’, as they eventually try to make it on their own and accomplishing nothing, while being a drain in their community as they become predictable failures in life that society rightfully snubs.”
