BREAKING NEWS – Austin, Texas – Employees at Whole Foods Market say the company’s new policies have thrown their workday into chaos, with one supervisor saying it’s not uncommon to see stressed-out employees crying on the job. Under the new procedure, store managers and employees are instructed to display the store’s inventory mostly on its shelves, rather than hold a larger inventory in a back room and constantly restock — a practice that leads to stores “constantly running out of products,” according to one employee. Jeff Besos who owns Amazon and Whole Foods and is the richest man on the planet, responded to the employee complaint. “Look at the magnificent Pyramids in Egypt that were built 4500 years ago,” he began. “They didn’t get built because the Hebrew slaves were cut any slack. They got built because people were worked to death, and now, we all stand in awe of those magnificent structures. Yes, I will work my employees until they drop like flies because they are expendable, and I have no intention of letting up. If necessary, I will ride a chariot through the stores channeling Ramses from the Old Testament, and I’ll whip those whining slackers into shape!”
