BREAKING NEWS – Vatican City, Italy – Pope Francis I declared Mother Teresa a saint by honoring the tiny nun who cared for the world’s most destitute and holding her up as a model for a Catholic Church that goes to the peripheries to find poor, wounded souls. Applause erupted in St. Peter’s Square even before Francis finished pronouncing the rite of canonization at the start of Mass. “This is exactly what the world needs”, the Pope explained. “God has a very difficult burden dealing with the continuous population growth and the complexity of each individual’s problems. So with the addition of another woman we can give homage to, it makes nuns more comfortable kneeling and praying to someone of their own gender that will keep their personal issues private, instead of relaying embarrassing information to God the Father.”