BREAKING NEWS – Chicago, Illinois – According to a joint analysis by the FBI and the Department of Justice of the current record setting pace of violence in Chicago, by Thanksgiving, every single person in the city will have either gotten shot, or shot someone. Mayor Rahm Emanuel who has a very low approval rating, tried to give a positive spin on the disturbing numbers by stating, “Well it’s good to know that due to the uniqueness of this report, proud citizens of the Windy City can finally hold their heads high with something they can brag about.”
