Dear Blake,
I lived in Kentucky all of my life, but I have always wanted to live in California. So about six months ago I moved there, to Death Valley. Last week it got up to 128 degrees and I thought I was going to die! I have disowned all of my Facebook friends that live in southern California for not telling me how hot it could get there. Don’t you think I have a right to be mad?
Signed, Walt
From Death Valley, California
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Dear Walt,
Adjusting to a new climate can often be traumatic. But, how in the world could you not know about the blistering heat? Didn’t the name “Death Valley” raise any red flags? Would you have questions before moving somewhere else called, “Exploding Appendix City”, or maybe “Cocaineville?” I know banjo playing porch sitting Kentuckians can often be thick headed, but your inability to process basic information makes even some of them look reasonably intelligent. However, I do have to agree with you on one thing, that you should be mad at your friends that live in southern California. Not because they didn’t tell you about the intense heat in Death Valley, but because they already have a disturbingly high percentage of brainless morons that live in their state, and they did nothing in regards to preventing you from further increasing their majority. I hope this helps.
Blake