Dear Blake,
I’m a talent manager, and I recently did a favor for a friend that I regret. I signed this new guy that has absolutely no talent. He can’t sing, dance, or do stand-up comedy, even though he’s convinced that he can do all three brilliantly. He has no marketability on any level whatsoever! I want to break our contract, but I’m not sure how. Do you have any suggestions?
Signed, Delano,
From Henderson, Nevada
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Dear Delano,
To build the career of a new client in entertainment is probably rewarding and exciting. But if you’re stuck with a no-account loser, that makes it an even greater challenge. Have you considered having him wash his hands without drying them before getting on stage and grabbing the microphone? Electrocution easily ends lives and obviously careers. Veterinarians often snip the vocal cords of dogs that bark excessively. So, consider taking your client to bar for a while, and after he’s loaded, tell him he has to go a “special doctor” for a check-up. But if you want to do something that the police can’t blame you for, have him perform in front a crowd that will be very hostile and aggressive if he’s a lousy entertainer. You can do this by contacting your state prison, telling them you want to put on a show for some inmates on death row. I hope this helps.
Blake