BREAKING NEWS – New York City, New York – Civil rights activist Al Sharpton is now accusing Santa Claus of being a racist. He said if the reindeer were white instead of brown, they would have a higher salary, better benefits, and Santa would never use his whip to encourage them to go faster. Sharpton’s anger stems from nothing being left for him under his tree this Christmas morning, and reading a petition signed by all eight reindeer sent to Santa which said in part, “because of the idiotic way Al ‘Sharptongue’ handled the incident in Ferguson, Missouri earlier this year, we refuse to participate in the delivery of presents to the residence of this race hustling buffoon.”