I recently made some unflattering comments about my daughter-in-law to my son. They were recorded on their Ring doorbell. Now she’s angry with me and my son, and I’m not sure I will ever see the grandchildren again. When I emailed her an apology, she said she didn’t know if she could ever forgive me. She will see my husband, but I am not allowed over there if she will be around.
Any words of wisdom as to what to do? We have always helped them out with the children and sometimes financially. Should my husband tell her if I’m not welcome, then he feels the same way? I know he feels caught in the middle between me and the whole situation.
From Montpelier, Vermont
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I can’t say for sure if you daughter-in-law is overreacting or being hyper sensitive, unless I know exactly what you said. And if your son didn’t disagree with you in the recorded conversation, then he must be in full agreement with your brutal choice of words. So, I have to speculate on what you possibly said. Did you allege that the children are nearly as ugly as she is, and the beautiful genes of your son helped suppress the hideousness of his own kids? Did you tell your son that you hope and pray that the kids aren’t as nearly as stupid as his wife, and you doubt they’ll ever be able to read a job application without the assistance of a tutor? Or, did you express concerns that because of your daughter-in-law’s influence, the children will more than likely begin a life of crime before they reach puberty? If worse comes to worse, you can always tell her that what you said was in jest, and you weren’t serious to any degree. And then inform her that some of the most vile things said about her, came from your son every time he calls you after the two of them has had a heated argument. And allege that some of the comments were so sickening, that you had to listen to him with you head over the toilet, as you repeatedly threw up. Using that tactic, you might win her back to some degree, and possibly be able to see the kids regularly after that, but that depends on the terms of the divorce, in which she’ll immediately apply for. I hope this helps.