Dear Blake,

I am broke and disabled and live far from friends and family. They know I live alone and that I’m lonely with no friends nearby. Every time I try to save up the $1,000 I need to visit, some urgent expense takes it away. I haven’t been home in 10 years, and it’s killing me.

Two of my best friends recently came into a good sum of money, around $100,000 or more. Neither one has offered to give or lend me a dime. I’m very hurt by this because I was always generous when I had money. Do I have a right to feel hurt? How can I let this go so it doesn’t affect our friendships?

Signed, Dwight
From Concord, New Hampshire

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Dear Dwight,

I know how hurtful it is when you need help, and it feels like you’re being abandoned and/or snubbed. The only thing I can recommend, is for you to try to make their lives as miserable as yours. Here are some tips. Find out if they declared their windfall to the IRS. If they didn’t, ask for a large sum of money and you won’t turn them in, and promise them that will shut you up… until you need some more money. Or, you should consider robbing them in a fashion that violates federal laws, because you’ll be sent to a high-end prisons where you’ll be very well taken care of, for at least 15 years. Or this idea. Borrow what you need from them, with no intention of paying it back. If they attempt to collect the debt, call the police telling them you are being harassed, and with a little luck, you can create some local outrage after you allege your lender is abusing you because you’re handicapped. The last thing I want to address is, why hasn’t your friends and family members came to visit you in ten years? Does your disability happen to be that you’re a complete jerk? If that’s the case, I wouldn’t be surprised if they have sent you text messages while they were on a cruises, with them saying “I wish you were here”, as they pointed to the bottom of the ocean. I hope this helps.