Dear Blake,
My 14 year old son wants to join a gang. On one hand, I don’t want him affiliated with a group that promotes violence. On the other hand, I think it would be good for him to make new friends that regularly interacts with the community, instead of staying at home all day playing video games. Please submit your opinion.
Signed, Lucy
From Chicago, Illinois
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Dear Lucy,
A teenager desiring to hang out with his peers is quite normal. Your son just happen to chose some of his buddies whose hobbies include drug dealing and murder. Parents like you are the strongest argument that people should be required to take a written test before having children, and if you don’t pass within two tries, you get sterilized. I wish you were using some form of birth control nine months before your son was born, and an even better idea is that your parents were using birth control nine months before you were conceived. Why didn’t you give me the opinion of his father? Or is he currently incarcerated, with the hopes that his son will follow in his footsteps, and maybe sometime in the future becoming cellmates spending quality time together, discussing sports, politics, and the best way to make a shank. Unfortunately, there are plenty of parents in America like yourself, slinking throughout our large cities. But if your soon has decided to join a gang no matter what you do, and he remains in high school, for his graduation get him a gift that will be very practical considering his lifestyle. Buy him a nice Italian suit that makes him look professional and intelligent. I promise you he will impress his friends and family, when they walk pass him stylishly dressed and looking suave, as his bullet ridden body is laying in a casket. I hope this helps.
Blake