Dear Blake,

My wife of 15 years is a cat lover. When we were first married, she begged me to allow the cat she had at her mother’s house to live with us. I reluctantly agreed on the condition that the litter box was tended to and the cat would not be allowed on the kitchen counters.

We are now living in a house instead of a trailer home. I’m surrounded by more than 12 cats, and my wife does a terrible job of cleaning the litter boxes. Our house and everything we own smells terrible. I have asked her repeatedly to find homes for some of the cats, and every time it becomes a fight. I love my wife, but I can no longer tolerate the nasty smell and constantly having my life affected by these cats. I don’t know what to do. Help!

Signed, Brian
From Rantoul, Illinois

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Dear Brian,

How your wife is behaving, is both selfish and unsanitary. The only thing I can suggest, is for you to get some “pets”, that will force her to reassess her position. Here are some options I think you should consider. Get some pet scorpions. Even is she gets stung a few times, tell her eventually she’ll get used to the pain and swelling. Or, how about a pet python. Tell your wife that it won’t cost much to feed it, because there is plenty of four-legged food already available in your home. Or this idea. Get some pet flies. With all the unemptied kitty litter boxes, they will easily find places as their new home as buzz by her head 24/7. And lastly, if she really likes cats, you should get one too… a lynx/bobcat. These felines are very territorial. So you tell your wife to not be alarmed if any of her “few” surviving cats have claw marks all over them, along with missing limbs. I hope this helps.

Blake