Dear Blake,

My husband passed away two years ago. I hope you can give me some advice on how to deal with my 53-year-old daughter who never left home. We generally get along well. She does freelance art, but doesn’t earn much. She contributes only $30 a month. Also, she has a driving phobia, so she doesn’t drive. She expects me to drive her to various places.

She only has cyber friends. She wants to travel, but doesn’t want to go alone and keeps pushing me to go with her, although I don’t really want to. I have suggested group tours, but she hesitates to go alone. I feel pressured to keep peace and go along with her desires. How should I handle this?

Signed, Royla
From Las Vegas, Nevada

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Dear Royla,

It’s time your daughter got out on her own. In her case, you have to push her out of the nest, no matter how high up it is in the tree. Here are some suggestions. Tell her she needs to get out and find her “real” parents because you and your husband actually found her abandoned in a stroller outside a local crack house. Or, force her to do custodial work around the house for 8 hours a day while wearing khakis , and tell if you ever see her without holding a push broom, she’ll forfeit at least one meal. Or this idea. Call the police and accuse her of elderly abuse, and you might consider punching yourself in the eye right before the cops show up, which will guarantee she gets placed in handcuffs. Lastly, tell her that your husband didn’t die of natural causes, but you poisoned him because you felt only two people should be living in your house. And after careful consideration, you now believe it should be just one… as you give your daughter a real sinister stare. I hope this helps.