Dear Blake,

I’m a divorced man. I’m semi-retired, work four days a week on second shift and have an easy job. I draw Social Security and live comfortably. I love riding my four-wheeler, and go on mountain trips with it. My problem is, people are always telling me I should work more than I do. I paid my dues throughout my life, and it irks me because it feels to me like people can’t stand that I have it made and they don’t. It takes a lot to hold my tongue. If you please, give me a snappy comeback for these folks.

Signed, Morris
From Denver, Colorado

*                    *                    *                    *                    *                    *                    *                    *

Dear Morris,

So, people are trying to decide your work schedule? Well I came up with a few comebacks that will encourage those morons to never bring the subject up again. Here are some ideas. Suggest that they work two full time jobs for at least a decade, so they can be halfway financially to where you are now. Or, tell them you are currently getting receiving creative ways to continue to scam the federal government. Or this idea. Tell them that you don’t want to put in anymore hours than you do now, because you’re concerned that you might end up in the same physical condition they’re already in. And finally, this last suggestion. Tell them your doctor told you to limit the amount of hours you put in per day, because you have a rare disease that causes you to assault people that asks you personal questions. And as the slowly back away from you, slowly walk toward them, preferably carrying a blunt object. I hope this helps.