Dear Blake,

My husband and I have been married 45 years. We are both retired and have hobbies to keep us busy. My problem is, he has so many friends that he doesn’t have time for any of the things I would like us to do together. I seem to be the last person he wants to do anything with. I don’t mind some alone time, but after a while, I feel lonely and left behind. If a vacation is planned, it’s always planned around his schedule.

Signed, Gail
From Depew, New York

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Dear Gail,

Your husband’s time is obviously being monopolized by his friends. In your case, you should acquire some “new” friends that he would be extremely uncomfortable with you fraternizing with, to the point where he has panic attacks when you’re not in his presence. Here are some ideas. Start hanging out with newly released death row inmates from prison, that were set free due to a legal technicality rather than their innocence. Or, start hanging with bums and hobos, and tell your husband you plan on getting some R & R by spending a weekend in a homeless shelter. Or this idea. Join a cult that is currently under investigation by the local police for being involved in some brutal human sacrifices. And lastly, consider this option. Start associating with drug addicts. Make sure their choice for destruction is crystal-meth because their lack of teeth would easily display their dedication to their “hobby” and the opposition to all forms of dental hygiene. I hope this helps.